


Good Things

by sleepymarvel



Series: MST3k One-Shots [4]
Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Gen, like shower thoughts but with mst3k, post-theater thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23296930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepymarvel/pseuds/sleepymarvel
Summary: “Was that wise old Grandpa in the movie high or something? He kept talking about good things happening to good people.” Tom’s tone becomes very serious, “Nothing good ever happens to you.”
Series: MST3k One-Shots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1444786
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Good Things

“Are you a good person?” Tom asks suddenly one Sunday, as the lights in the theater flicker back on and the movie’s credits fade to black. Cambot retreats back through the sliding theater doors, leaving Joel and the bots alone in their allegorical torture chamber. 

It’s a weird feeling to be in the theater without the movie playing. It’s like sitting in your closet with the lights out.

Joel shrugs, “I don’t know. I think so.”

Joel’s had a lot of time for self-reflection since his being shot up into space by mad scientists. There’s a lot he’s messed up in his life. There’s a lot he feels he should’ve done differently. He wishes he’d called his family more, introvert or not. In the grand scheme of things though, he likes to think he was an all-around decent guy. He likes to think he was a good person back when he had the chance to show it. 

“He is.” Crow answers Tom’s question, almost defensively. Then, remembering the fact the Joel had just given him a time-out an hour before, “Sometimes.”

Apparently, fire in space is a big no-no. Crow doesn’t think he should’ve been blamed for starting a fire in the loading bay, even though it was definitely his fault and he was definitely chanting ‘burn baby, burn’ until Joel came in with the fire extinguisher. In his defense, he didn’t know fire in space was bad.

“Well then, I’m confused.” Tom continues, he turns in his theater seat to face Joel and Crow, his little arms bouncing up and down on their springs. “Was that wise old Grandpa in the movie high or something? He kept talking about good things happening to good people.” Tom’s tone becomes very serious, “Nothing good _ever_ happens to you.”

“He’s right.” Crow adds, jumping on the bandwagon of Tom’s question, “Evil scientists shot you up into space. Your only social interaction is with robots. The last thing good that ever happened to you was in the fifties.”

It’s a late on a Sunday and Joel’s way too tired to be thinking existentially right now, but the bots are confused, and it always makes Joel happy when they get curious about things. He's proud of them, he realizes, that they want to learn new things. 

“You’re not just robots. You guys are the best company I could ask for–” Joel begins to defend, completely serious, and Tom all but rolls his non-existent eyes. For a bot with no face, he tends to be extremely expressive. 

“We’ll pretend we believe you.” The little bot interrupts.

“—and I wasn’t even alive in fifties.”

Crow and Tom both look at Joel expectantly and it’s clear they’re waiting for one of his long-winded explanations that ultimately chalk up to a life lesson and sometimes end with ram chips all around.

“Alright,” Joel says, “I’ll explain it to you. The whole ‘good things happen to good people’ shtick is just something people say to you so that you feel good about your shitty situation. When your high school bully is taking your crush to Prom and you’re sitting at home finishing up your college essay, that wise old Grandpa in your life will feel bad for you—”

“—because you’re pathetic.” Crow supplies enthusiastically. Tom laughs.

Joel sighs, “Crow, try not to riff on my story.”

“Sorry. Force of habit.”

“Anyway, he’ll tell you that good things happen to good people. You may be doing homework while all the cool kids are off spiking the punch bowl, but it doesn’t matter because in ten years you’ll be successful because you’re a good person and they’re not.”

“I still don’t follow. So, if you’re a loser in high school then you’ll be a successful adult? That’s kind of cliché, Joel.” Tom says.

“Yeah and weren’t you one of the losers?” Crow adds, Joel immediately regrets telling them about his high-school years, “You didn’t turn out all rich and successful. No offense.”

“Definitely no offense, Joel.” Tom recovers quickly, “We completely respect you, oh mighty creator.”

“Well that’s the point. It’s just what people tell you to make you feel better about yourself. Do you think JFK was a good person? Probably not. But he still went out with Marilyn Monroe and had fancy parties in the White House with all his friends.”

“Yeah.” Crow said slowly, like explaining something to somebody stupid, “He also got shot in the head.”

Joel frowns, okay so maybe JFK got shot in the head, he hadn't thought about that, “Well, yeah. But you guys get the point.”

“Don’t we have a letter to read or something?” Tom asks, changing the subject, “Let’s get this over with so I can catch up on my Acapella practice before bedtime.”

Well that explains why Joel kept hearing _Crazy in Love_ by Beyoncé blasting through the corridors every night for the past week. In all fairness, Tom has a good voice and Joel is always down to listen to Beyoncé.

“Do you guys mind if I stay here for a little while?” Joel asks, “I’ll meet you at the bridge in a couple minutes?”

“Crow’s going to have to carry me out.” Tom says, “If you’re not coming with us.”

“I don’t wanna.” Crow says, in the manner of a little kid who was just told to clean his room. Joel always liked his impressions, even when they weren’t exactly used for good. “This is why Joel should’ve built you with legs.”

“If Crow doesn’t carry me out,” Tom's voice increases in dramatic pitch, “I’m going to be stuck in here all night and I’ll die. I’ll _die_ Joel. Crow wants me dead.”

“Good riddance.” Crow snarks back at him and Joel has to catch Tom from lunging across him to jump the other robot.

“Please," Joel starts, still restraining an irate Tom Servo, “If we can finish the experiment without anymore fighting I’ll give you guys ram chips before bed. I promise.”

"Fine." Crow relents, "But I won't be happy about it." He carries Tom over the heating vent and out of the theater, the two bots bickering lightheartedly back and fourth until they're out of ear-shot. 

Joel sighs, stares blankly at the black movie theater screen, and it’s quiet. That familiar feeling of isolation snakes up around him; he’s in his closet with the lights out and the door closed and he’s all alone now.

After a moment, Joel stands up from his seat in the theater, grabs his empty jiffy-pop popcorn, heads back to the bridge to meet up with the bots and finish the experiment. He steps over the heating vent and around the corner.

Joel thinks about the bots. He wouldn’t trade them for anything. If good things happen to good people, maybe the bots are his good thing. 

**Author's Note:**

> Dude, I got major deja-vu trying to write this author’s note, I’m kind of spooked. Anyway, this story started with my writing Tom asking Joel if he's a good person and then the rest spiraled from there. I really hope you enjoyed! I absolutely adore writing for this series in particular. ♡


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